please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
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