If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
I would fuck him just for his dog
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
