the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
