Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I'm going to jail i love you
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
