i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Randomize
