i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
