its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
Randomize
