I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
