You're my little dorito
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Randomize
