Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
