well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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