doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
