my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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