Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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