i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
They have beer where we have blood.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
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