i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Randomize
