Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
