thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Randomize
