You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
