nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
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