I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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