just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
