The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
