I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
