apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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