Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
tell me about the eggs
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
