And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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