Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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