he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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