I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Randomize
