So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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