It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Randomize
