It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Randomize
