Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
