I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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