I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I love having hate sex.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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