We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
