I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
Randomize
