i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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