went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Randomize