I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
