My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Randomize
