Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
