yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think people are normalizing furries
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
