I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
