There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Randomize
