i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
