people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
