I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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