I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Randomize
