Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
