If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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