Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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