I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
