in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
