The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
