I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize