chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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