I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
My bed smells like the plague
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
