do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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