Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize