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I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
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